How? Sometimes I hope he could say very nasty words to me or just give me a one tight slap across my face to wake up my idea. I can't stop not missing him. >.<'

Warning this is going to be a very long post even I can't take it.!

Logged in to this page and I recalled how I start a blog, instead of the old usual practice of "Dear Diary" signing off with hand written date and time, blog solve the problem. This are just the benefit of blogging as long as blogger don't close down your archive can always be retrieved.

I started the habit of diary writing when I was 8, back then I was still in primary 3. I didn't like to talk much and never have friends. I always find it better to convey my thoughts through writing and strangely I really enjoy writing.

I spend time sourcing for proper diary book with locks because I didn't want anyone to have access to my entries and always safe keep in my school bag after I did an entry every night before bed.

The habit on diary writing goes on until after my primary 6 midyear exams on 10^th September 2011 10.30am when my form teacher read out my entries to the classmates laughing at every vocab, grammar and spelling mistake I made in my diary. She is the first teacher that I hate very much and get touched by.

Back then my parents was going through on a divorce case and fighting custody for me and my brother. I was disappointed and felt scared when I knew both my parents didn't want me what worst is the exam period, coincidentally the paper I was sitting for the next day was mathematics. Wrote my name, answer a few direct questions, leave the whole paper blank and slept throughout the exam.

When the results were out my form teacher came to me table and threw my paper right at my face scolded me idiot. I score 16 not over 20 but over 100! With this urge within me I immediately update my diary across the page diagonally filling with extra big big words and wrote "MDM HASLINDAH IS A IDIOT" signing off with the date "10th of September 2001" 10.30am. She snatched my diary book and started to read out from the last entry I did, correcting on my grammar

"AN IDIOT, not a idiot". "IDIOT", she shouted at me again.

Then she flipped to the very first page and start reading out the very first post I did on my first page. I try to snatch back but failed mainly because I was too short, held my tears feeling so helpless and ran out of class went to my teacher librarian "linn" telling her what had happened.

She calm me down and explained the situation, advice me what to do she even help me to draft out an "apology letter", and then she introduced me to blogger so that is how I started with my url "cindylinn". I didn't return to class on that day and stay in the library after the school ends.

I walked out of the assembly point reaching the school gate, from far I saw my principal and my form teacher standing outside, in my mind I was cursing really hard at my form teacher and thought it will be nice to get expel.

The anger in me already had reached the limit, I took out the apology letter from my bag and I told myself even today is my death anniversary I will have to at least vent my anger. I increase my pace and walk towards the gate, immediately when I reached; I hurl vulgar language with my tear flowing down, tear the apology letter and threw the shatter pieces on to my form teacher face.

Ok I shall cut down on the small details here and move on very quickly to the ending,

1. I didn't get expelled
   
2. I stay over in my principal house though it was said to be kept as a secret but I don't think there is a need anymore.
   
3. My form teacher apologize to me and we became very close.
   
4. No angry teacher that snatch diary.
   
5. I became more open and let people around me to know what is going on.
   
6. My parents didn't divorce but till now still on bad terms.